Ooh?

(Holding a screwdriver - the tool, not the drink)
MAR student: Need anything screwed?

MDiv student: What I need screwed doesn't require a screwdriver.

Overheard: Commuter Lounge

Or anti-fleshist

MAR student: I like my men with some meat on their bones.

MDiv student: [Name], are you being fleshist?!

Overheard: Walking from the Div. school to downtown

Syric Homework: The Miniseries

Student 1, working on Syriac homework:

“I just can't figure out what is going on in this passage! Why are there elephants? People!? A city!?! A wall!?!? Water!?!?!”

(5 minutes later)

“What the f*** does that word mean! I just looked it up, damn it! Oh, f****, I'll look it up again.”

(3 seconds later)

“Where the hell is mem! The letter mem!”

(5 minutes later)

“They're under attack by innumerable elephants, but I don't know who is doing it or why.”

(2 minutes later)

“This is crazy! I feel like I'm in the middle of this war!”

(5 minutes later)

“Now randomly there is a divine temple! Where the hell did the temple come from!”

(26 minutes later)

“I really wish they would stop praying...”

(7 minutes later)

“I'm trying to figure out if the bishop is filling or killing the horseman with cows. Cows...or...something else.”

(Pauses)

“Ah, yes! It's filling! Filling them with cows. But, I just don't see how that could be...”

(Pauses, strokes chin, looks puzzled)

“Oh! Oh! Encouragement! He's filling them with encouragement! I was conflating 'the rest of the people' with 'cows.'”

Student 2:
“There's a fine line between cows and encouragement...”

Student 1:
(Incoherent whimpering)
“I don't know why its doing that! I wish it would stop! Oooh....”
(Groans, rocks in fetal position)

Fin.

Unexpected silences are the best

(song ends and everything gets quiet)
Student: ...and then all your fluids are released.



overheard: party

Death?

Student 1: I wrote a paper about what happens after we die last year... but I never got it back.
Student 2: That's got to be a metaphor for something.

Overheard in Fisher Hall

No need to break it down

Student 1: What happened to Hammer?
Student 2: It must not be Hammertime anymore.

Overheard: Common Room

Where's JC then?

Student: My computer is so slow, it must be the eschaton.

Overheard: Common Room

Both?

Student: Wait... rock me, sexy Jesus or sex exegesis?

I hear myself thinking that's bullshit...

Student: Sometimes maybe you just need to call out the bullshit.
Kristen Leslie: That's advanced pastoral care.

Overheard: BLTGQ Pastoral Care

So... it's nothing like "America: The Book"

MDiv: Have you seen that book we're supposed to read? It's like "America, the Book," only it's about church and it's serious.

Overheard in Niebuhr Hall.

No, it's This Is Howie Do It! But without Howie Mandel.

Student: Is this your receipt?

Bruce Gordon: From the Disney Store? [Giggles] No, I've never been there.

Student: Oh, I didn't know.

Bruce Gordon: Is this some sort of coordinated humiliation?

Overheard: Commuter Lounge

Prior life?

Teaching Fellow: The highest level of contemplation for monks, well, it's been likened to post-orgasmic afterglow. That's all I'm saying.
MDiv: But, then, how would the monks know about it?

Overheard in Medieval Theology section

I'd hope so... the original is quite long.

Carolyn Sharp: You could read the whole Hebrew Bible, or my handout, which is shorter.

Overheard in Old Testament Interpretation

Amazing.

Denys Turner: I've written an article... I've worked up to it but I don't have the climax. It's like sex without the orgasm.

Overheard: Commuter Lounge

Too soon... too soon.

Student 1: I mean, he's trying to claim that Judaism was a proselytizing religion.
Student 2: Maybe the way they were at Shechem!
[Laughter all around.]

Overheard at: Commuter Lounge

Ooh.

(Student 1 says something funny and Student 2 laughs, bending forward)
Student 1: Anything to make [student 2] bend over...

What's what I was thinking about... what were YOU thinking about?

Student: I'm going to go listen about some guy's balls. [laughter] Aw, come on, it's the Ugaritic Baal cycle.

Overheard: Commuter Lounge

Who knows where we would be without pancakes!

Diana Swancutt: His gaze of someone else disrupted his ability to eat pancakes! This is not a minor thing! Society is structured on IHOP!

Overheard: GLBTQ Pastoral Care

Little from column A, little from column B

Female Student 1: So, how are you feeling about your chances with ---?
Female Student 2: (putting head in hand) Not good. Not good at all. That man drives me to drink...and exercise.

~Overheard in Common Room