Saturday, December 10, 2011

Porno Vultures: A great band name

MDiv student murmuring to another: "I'm spending way too much time writing about the Four Noble Truths."

MAR student at the same table: "I thought you said you're writing about 'porno vultures', and that can't possibly be right..."

Overheard in: The Refectory

If my baby was a slow loris, I wouldn't eat it either.

Female Student: Why are we evolutionarily programmed to love things that have big eyes and move slowly?

Male Student: So we don't eat our children when they wake us up at 3 in the morning...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

And as the Lord said, "Turneth thy head and cough."

Student discussing Movember: "I refer to myself as the apostle to the prostate."

Monday, October 31, 2011

So is a haircut kind of like circumcision of the balls...?

MAR: "As we learned in Gender in Early Christianity, (pointing to his hair) these are basically testicles on my head."

***true story: a certain New Testament scholar wrote an article claiming that the I Corinthians command for women to cover their heads was really just about basic human modesty for the early Christians, who saw hair as genitalia because they thought it was used to store semen. yup.

Martin Jean: So generous with his footwear

at ISM Colloquium

Martin Jean (selecting order for presenters): Hmm...well, should we go in height order?
Teresa Berger (stepping up to the podium): I would have worn my high heels but I biked to work today...
Martin Jean: You can borrow mine.

YDS Students: On Fire for Academics

in the commuter lounge:
a student drops a wet tea bag onto an open outlet in the floor.
student 1: "the outlet is smoking! it might catch fire!"
student 2: "don't fix it- if it catches fire i won't have to go to my 1:30 class."

Aye Aye, Cap'n!

a student lies sprawled out on the ground in the hallway

denys turner walks by and remarks:
"what possesses someone to assume such an inelegant posture? you should stand at attention when i pass by!"

Monday, October 3, 2011

Someone's Been Reading Numbers...

MDiv: I told my boyfriend I was sad he wasn't coming to visit until January. But then I told him I wasn't going to complain, because today I learned that if you complain, God will drown you in quail.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

In Anglican History and Theology 2:

STM: Schism is our gift to the church.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Is it?

Spinks on religious statuary:

"One person's garden gnome is another person's dear friend."

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

You're Not Wrong...

A 3rd Year MDiv's response to watching an hour-long film of the Sarum Rite in Class:

MDiv: "This is why we need a Reformation."

Friday, August 26, 2011

Hey, Hova. JC's coming and wants a word...

Student 1: "Is that how it works? Holy Ghost lays the beats and the Jesus throws raps on top?"
2: "Yeah, but she's usually more into ambient."

Aaaaand we're back.

Friday, June 3, 2011

YDS! Preparing ministers for the church and world.

Chinese host: "When you go to the Mongolian grasslands, you drink hard alcohol.  It's just what you do."
Student: "Well, it's good we had practice last night, then."

Also: We're going on vacay for the summer.  Send in your submissions and we'll post 'em in August!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tossed salad and scrambled eggs! Yum.

(During a discussion of various theology books)
Student 1: How about Eccentric, Kelsey?
Student 2: Which one?  David?  Julie?  Grammer?  Those are all the Kelseys I know.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sunday Sunday Sunday!

Student 1: "Evangelical free church?  What does that mean?"
Student 2: "Hmm.  Conservative."
Student 1: "Exactly.  There's nothing 'free' about it."

Deadlines usually are a one-way street.

MDiv 1: "I got my grades!  I'm graduating!"
MDiv 2: "I'm taking [excellent and caring scholar's] class.  I may never know."

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Not this week

MAR: "Have you never licked a sweaty brow?"

Monday, May 9, 2011

Is it tequila-flavored?

MDiv: "I have some chrism... let me lubricate your soul!"

Overheard: Anna Liffey's

Saturday, May 7, 2011

See what you've done?!

MDiv: "I can't remember, why is the Eucharist important?"

Overheard: NT study group

I just don't know, man. I just don't know.

MAR: "And how did your vagina get involved?"

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I know JUST what you mean.

Student, gazing at a passerby's rear end: "Cute bum. (Sighs) Too many people like that bottom."

Monday, May 2, 2011

I'm an artiste!

Martin Jean:  "I'm not a dancer.  I'm a Lutheran."

Overheard: Easter Rejoicing

Easter Shalom!

Chapel full of people arm-in-arm singing "Draw the Circle Wide"

Adele Crawford: "Come on (names 2 students), draw the circle wide!"
Student 1: "But we're having a conversation!"

Overheard: Easter Rejoicing after-party.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Good luck on finals!

funny pictures - Cheezus, son of Ceiling Cat, attempts walking on the wetter for the very first time.

It's your fault for being funny.

MDiv, regarding her frequent presence on this fine blog: "Is this the Truman Show?!"

Mike, can you just put some out by the candy bowl?

MDiv: "You poppin' the 'vil?"

regarding Advil and finals

Well?! How big is it?!

MAR: "So yeah, I was using Google Earth to measure distances across the Sea of Galilee."

Overheard: Common Room

Solution: robe

Student: "If I were a man, I would live in seersucker." (pause) It's a good thing that I'm not a man.  (longer pause) But seriously, I would have seersucker pajamas..."

Friday, April 29, 2011


MDiv: "Yay!  Now she can eat a sandwich."

Overheard: After Kate and William's royal wedding

Note: Never miss Marquand.

Mark Miller: "A little less catcalling during the actual service, I think."

Overheard: Marquand chapel, before Easter Rejoicing

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I'm all for non sequiturs, too. Marzipan!

MDiv: "I'm all about women's autonomy, but pixie cuts suck."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Wait! When's that gonna happen?!

Fred Simmons: "This is delayed gratification, but you're used to that in this class."

Overheard: Christian Ethics

Monday, April 25, 2011

Note: Theology TF. Not Bible.

Teaching Fellow: "This is actually happening.  It isn't from the Onion."

Overheard: Systematic Theology

Bureaucracy is an Ed Hardy tee?

MDiv: "My God, I think this whole debacle is an illustration of how humanity's falleness is acutely and uniquely manifested in bureaucracy."
MAR: "Preach!  Bureaucracy breeds douches."

Radically mime

Student 1 raises imaginary glass to the glass of 2011
Student 2: "Have you gone radically Methodist?"

Overheard: Class of 2011 reception

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Then whom can I blame?!

Denys Turner: "I bear no responsibility for your moral standing."
Student: "For good or for ill."

Overheard: Class of 2011 reception

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Make it a rhyme and I'll give you a $20

Fred Simmons: "This was clearly not the best way to explore this question.  But I liked the alliteration."

Overheard: Ethics

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

And the choir says, "Amen!"

Student (singing loudly): "The clarinet, the clarinet goes doodly, doodly, dood - hello, food."

Overheard: The Sarah Smith Gallery

Monday, April 18, 2011

Naw. That's universal dorkiness.

Student (about to unveil a musical composition based on Karl Barth's theology): "This takes my Div School dorkiness to a whole other level."

Overheard: Systematic Theology

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Academia: where everybody assures you of their genius

Student: "He's just quoting scripture like no one else has ever written about it."

Overheard: Ethics

Saturday, April 16, 2011

That explains the two broken wine glasses and half-empty can of High Life by the trash.

Student: "Oh!  Did I tell you I saw two raccoons making love in the tree yesterday?"

But the rest of the world thinks Bible people are HI-larious!

MDiv: "The problem is that I'm in a lot of Bible classes, so I'm not around funny people anymore."

Friday, April 15, 2011

Finally! Something fruitful in academia!

Teaching fellow: "I don't want to judge which pleasures are good.  I just want to maximize them."
Student (under her breath): "Yeah!"

Overheard: Ethics section

Monday, April 11, 2011

Guess what that means at the forestry school!

MDiv1: "If you ever need some stuff, just tap me on the shoulder, and I'll get something out of my pouch for you."
MDiv2: "Oh, my."
MDiv3: "In div school, that means prayer beads and pocket labyrinths."

Overheard: Berkeley

Monday, April 4, 2011

You, sir, are a blessing to our community.

Bob Wilson: "You know, Agatha Christie had so many red herrings, she could have run a fish market."


MAR, regarding consecrated bread and that it must be unleavened:  “Who invented that rule? Celibate white men, of course.”

MDIV: “Celibate white men who could eat gluten!”


MAR 1: "Last night was an odd night."
MAR 2: "You felt it too?"
MAR 1: "Oh, I doused it in alcohol."

Overheard: reflecting over group dinner

Friday, April 1, 2011

Did your skin start burning?

MDiv: "You went up to the cross?"
Undergrad: "Yeah, and I immediately regretted the decision."

Overheard: Taize, France

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I just found some of your old submissions.  They got lost in rerouted inboxes (at least two).  If you want someone to blame... blame... uh.. MIKE!  Dale Mail!

Also, we're accepting applications.  They can involve your wit and good Belgian-style beer.  (I do love the Trappists.)

But then all the wee Levites marched to the candy forest and sat on toadstools. The End. Go to sleep.

Robert Wilson: "So from this we can see that, indeed, all was not well in Levite-land."

Other suggestions? I know you're out there, unicorns.

First Year MDiv: "By the way, there should be a 'Which King of Israel/Judah are you?' personality test, which has only negative results."

"You got MANASSEH... you spoil everything."
"You got JEROBOAM... you're a dirty rotten idolater.
"You got DAVID... you fornicating douchebag."
"You got JEHOAHAZ... nobody cares about you."

I love goats. But not love love.

MAR 1 (who is gay): "It's just hard for me to feel comfortable with someone."
MAR 2: "It's just your cathnostic side coming out."
1: "It's not...I just want to have sex with...a person."
2: "What else would you have sex with?"
1: "Well, according to my uncle...a goat."

Overheard: Annand Spirituality Room:

Yeah, you know you should be an MDiv, right?

MAR: "I was about to ask you a question but I realized I would have been imposing my confusion onto you."
MDiv: "Thanks for not colonizing my mind."

Overheard: Before the Transitional Moments Exam

So, most of our fellas are "days"...?

2nd year: "I met some great div school lesbians this week!"
Straight friend: "OMG I love disbians!"

Overheard: Berkeley

Bacteria, for sure!

MDiv: "What is your favorite medieval weapon?  Christianity doesn't count."

Overheard: YDS Day of Service

Oooh. I had been going about this all wrong.

Robin Leaver: "Justin Martyr, an apologist. And that does not mean 'I'm sorry, I'm Christian'."

Graduating student pics are happening now, by the way! Maybe if you tip well...

2nd year student: "All I want is a head shot and a topless pic.  Is that too much to ask?"

Overheard: Back buildings

How many of you had to look up stentorian in the dictonary? Admit it.

Fred Simmons: "I will try to affect a stentorian presence for you."

Overheard: Christian Ethics

All the MDivs nod their heads

Ed Waggoner: "Where was I? Oh yes.  Scurrying back under the rocks of academic theology."

Overheard: Systematic Theology

Monday, March 28, 2011

Why does this make me think of toadstools?

Student: “It’s a little pedagogically confused.”

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Yeah, I keep hearing that from my professors

Kate Ott: "You have a wealth of limited information!"

Overheard: Body and Soul

Did he use Autotune?

Bruce Gordon on Zwingli: "This is going to sound really geekish, but I have one if his CDs."

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

"It's not a complete list!"

Teresa Berger: "Any faith tradition worth its salt will tell you what to do with your food, your time, your genitals, and your money.  Otherwise it's not a real religion."

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Grab a beret and hunch over!

MDiv, caught wandering in a field in rural France: "Quick!  Be French!"

Thursday, March 3, 2011

A giant squid!

John Collins: "I don't know why people insist that the big fish in Jonah is a whale.  He might as well have been swallowed by a Tuna."

Overheard: OT Interpretation

Monday, February 28, 2011

I know at least one classmate who agrees vehemently.

MDiv: "To be honest, I kind of resent the fact that I have to wear pants at all."

Sshh. Don't tell the Tea Party.

MDiv: "I came to America to become socialist."

Sunday, February 27, 2011

What does that make Rahner?

Ed Waggonner: "That doesn't mean Karl Barth wasn't God's asshole."

Overheard: Systematic theology

Saturday, February 26, 2011

or the bungalow democrats

MDiv 1: "Log Cabin Republicans?  What's that? Why Log Cabin?  A Lincoln reference?"
MDiv 2: "No.  They're just gay republicans."
MDiv 1: "Oh.  I thought it was because they're closeted... but in a log cabin."

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Oh, darlin' ....

MDiv:  "Save the last dance.... for anal."

Overheard: Body and Soul

Amen, brother.

Bob Wilson: “I’m serious.  Don’t annoy the beaver.” 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Dolla dolla bills?

(using different dry-erase markers to illustrate a point)

Christopher Beeley: "Let's make the divinity green."
YECC* member: "I always knew it."

(Yale Earth Care Committee - YDS's own Eden brigade)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sums up the Psalms, no?

MDiv, at prayer time: "OMG!


Saturday, February 12, 2011

Crystal ball, I guess

MAR (alumnus) to MDiv: "I can't wait 'til you accidentally get pregnant."

Thursday, February 10, 2011

New Chant!

Robert Wilson: "666.  I don't have a clue."

Thursday, February 3, 2011

You'd think they'd be blanks

MDiv: "Wasn't it the Spirit that got Mary pregnant?"

Overheard: Body and Soul

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

That happens on the next level, pilgrim.

MDiv: "If only I could fart with my butt!"

A is for apple, not atonement

MDiv: "G shouldn't be for God.  G should be for guilt!"

But are you naked?

1st year student: "I'm clean and I smell good. That's all that's important."

Overheard: Marquand Chapel

We've got sledding, snacks, and snow days! Send yer kids!

(As the first set of paper topics is being handed out to the class)

Prof. Simmons: "Those of you revelling in Camp Yale, don't worry.  This isn't due for another month."

Overheard: Intro to Christian Ethics II

Friday, January 28, 2011

As long as it's lovingly

Student: "I'd lovingly hit it like the blessed child of Christ he that is."

Monday, January 24, 2011

Jesus died for your nightshades

Student 1: "Ick.  Vegetable juice really needs tomato to be good."
2: "Did you get it without tomato?"
1: "Yeah.  Well... this will be my cross today."

Friday, January 21, 2011

Well, a clerical collar does look sort of popped

Unknown student: “You’re not the first person to assume I was a lazy frat boy.”

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Bueller? Bueller?

MAR: "If you see Denys Turner, tell him he's supposed to be in the JE Dining Room giving a lecture.  Thanks!"

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

a true joy, indeed

Student, checking her email: "Woooo!  Class is cancelled! Now I don't have to change my clothes all day!"

Friday, January 7, 2011

Finally! Something practical

MDiv, discussing ordination exams: "I think they should ask what you do when a child experiences kenosis in a choir stall."

Overheard: Berkeley Center