They'll make you more, you know

Student 1: Ugh! God! They are out of coffee! All four, out of coffee!
Student 2: Good thing it's exam time, cause someone's getting a little bit testy...

Overheard in the refectory:

What heterophobia

MAR Student: Yeah, so if there were any chance of me being turned gay, [blank] would be the one to do it.
MAR Student 2: But you're really straight, though. You're so straight, it's borderline destructive.
MAR Student 1: I'm destructively heterosexual?
MAR Student 2: Yup.

Where: Curtis Hall

You need a drink

Student 1: Did you know Hillary Clinton has a job approval rating of 71%? That's crazy!
Student 2: Do you know what else is crazy? The low, low prices at Barbarino's Chevy!
Student 3: Bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-barino! .... oh my god, this week needs to be over.

But who is Ronald McDonald?

MAR Student: It's just like corporate America. She'll be the Philip Morris of the Div School.

overheard: sunday brunch

Good logic.

M. Div 1: I just don't think that Jesus could have saved the world in three years if he was straight. Straight men aren't that efficient.
M. Div 2: Right. Further proof that Jesus was a woman.

Take some more then

(grabs left over food from conference and shoves 3 or 4 bagels in bag)
Student: These are the good bagels. You can't let these go.

But you're reading

Student, while reading the Acts of Paul: This is like watching a bad beer commercial!

Because he wasn't there?

(mentions another student)
Student 1: Is he a second year?
Student 2: No, he's a first year.
Student 1: Ok, that makes sense. I don't remember seeing him last year.

Glad someone listened in OT

Student 1: I'm drunk. Kiss me. I'm Hosea.
Student 2: I'm your roommate. I'm Hosea. You're my slutty wife.

Overheard at: Spring Fling

I think she's the only one who can pull that off

(following a conversation about various ways in which a student who wanted to do so might become pregnant)

Student 1: Not in vitro fertilization. I can't do that. I'm Catholic. It's a sin.
Student 2: You're single. How are any of the other things we've discussed not a sin?
Student 3: You can try to be sinless; it worked for Mary.

Overheard in: commuter lounge

He IS the man!

Div Student: Dale! You're the man! I mean that in the complimentary sense, not the misogynistic, patriarchal sense!

Overheard at Spring Fling

And you probably smell great

(A bee is circling a student.)

Student: It's because I look like a flower. I'm being objectified as a flower.

Overheard: class on the quad

Not too hard?

Emilie Townes, in prayer: Goose them, O God.

overheard: Marquand Chapel

It's the ringtone for my mom

M.Div. ringtone: "Daaa daaa da da daa..."
Ralph Klein: Is that your candidacy committee calling?

overheard: Lutheran Colloquium

Sage advice

Male Div Student playing Castlevania: Meat Loaf doesn't want you to save the game; he wants the game to save you.

Where: Curtis Hall

Use protection!

Area Three:
REL 735: Intro to Post-Reformation STDs
Instructor: A Neele
Tu, 1:30 - 3:20pm.

Where: YDS Draft Course Schedule - Fall 2009

Too much studying

(student 1 takes a drink of water and spills it all over)
Student 1: Yeah, friends, I can take a drink of water without spilling it, I just don't WANT to.
Student 2: I don't subscribe to water binaries.
Student 3: Stupid cultural hegemonic norms!

Night cheese!

Student: Wait, why am I.... oh, because I'm eating cheese.

Overheard: commuter lounge

What people are you talking about?

Student: For a person, 'nonexistent' and 'don't drink' are the same thing.

Overheard: Lunchtime on the quad

Go sleeveless

Alumni preparing for ordination: I'm trying to find an outfit that will make me look like Michelle Obama about to be ordained!