Deadlines usually are a one-way street.

MDiv 1: "I got my grades!  I'm graduating!"
MDiv 2: "I'm taking [excellent and caring scholar's] class.  I may never know."

Good luck on finals!

Mike, can you just put some out by the candy bowl?

MDiv: "You poppin' the 'vil?"

regarding Advil and finals

Well, it's been said...

Student 1: "All right.  I'm gonna go plant my ass in a desk for the day."
Student 2: "Lucky desk."

For some, more high than pass.

MDiv, regarding finals and papers:

"This, too, shall come to high pass."

Not necessarily. I mean, I think David Kelsey would be OK with it.

"I have to meet with a professor tomorrow.  Dammit! I have to change out of these pajamas!"

It's the FINALS COUNTDOWN

(send in your overheards!)

In so many ways, buddy

M.A.R., about to finish his semester: "Time to go put on adult pants!"

God. If only that were true.

Male Middler who is taking his first Credit/No Credit Class: "So, if you take a class as Credit/ No Credit, for your final paper, what do you have to do?"

Male Senior: "Be drunk."



Overheard: After Professor Minkema's last Witch Hunt and Witchcraft class

It's the most wonderful time of the yearrrrrrr!

MDiv: "Oh!  Daylight!"

Imagine this if you were Hindu

Student, preparing for Hebrew Bible exam: "Why is the Bible so loooooong?"

Go gently, young academic

MAR: "Is it bad that I haven't started this paper yet?"
MDiv: "Morally? No. It's not morally bad, but academically you're f*cking yourself."

Overheard: library

The Night Before Transitional Moments

(that's the exam for Transitional Moments in Western Christian History)

by Josh Rodriguez and Chris Corbin

Twas the night before the Church History final and all through the library,
Desperate seminarians said novenas to Mary.
The books were all open and foreheads lined with care;
The final was in Niehbur and they soon would be there.
At the end of the night, when they collapsed into their beds,
Visions of Jesuits danced through their heads.
They knew that this testing their joy would sap;
They’d rather just settle their brains for a Christmas holiday nap.
When out on the Quad there arose such a clatter,
They leaped from their beds to see what was the matter.
When, what to their wondering minds should they feast,
But a council at Nicaea, and Perpetua fed to the beasts.
With a little old writer, did he fabricate thus?
They knew in a moment it was Eusebius.
And the Donation of Constantine! On the forgeries came.
Popes whistled and shouted and tried emperors to tame.
Cults of martyrs and saints rose before being suppressed,
But when it came to preventing Black Death they were put to the test.
Now mystics! Now demoniacs! Now Cathars and Waldensians!
Crusades against Jews, Muslims, heretics, and Albigensians!
To the limits of Christendom! To lands far and near!
Missionaries had to look busy for Jesus soon would be here.
As dry doctrines that before the wild reformers did fly
When they met with such obstinacy, at Trent did decry.
So up to the church door the theses they flew,
Against Johann Tetzel and the Popes too.
And then, with much screaming, the Institutes they do say,
Servetus is dead; hopefully with him his heresies stay.
As they drew in their doctrine, and were mulling around,
Down from France St. Xavier came with a bound.
He dressed like the natives, of habits no fan,
And his learning and letters they came from Japan.
From Goa to China came Jesuits back,
And in learning and letters nothing did lack.
Their pupils -- how they puzzled! They taught them so early!
A man different than seven, I think only rarely!
Oh early moderns and urban centers did grow,
And the behavior of people it reached a new low;
At the stump of a tree or forest glen empty,
And the midnight it came where they gathered a-plenty;
Their souls to the devil, to Satan did they sell,
My God don’t they care that they’ll end up in hell?
To desecrate wafers, a right unholy old task,
And I dread when I see them, in fear for my ass;
A whole town dose cry and a trial then gets heard,
Soon I did know that witches must drown or be burned;
Now speak not a word, but remember Ignatius?
He started new learning with the brothers of Jesus,
Galileo said yes, Ptolemy he said no,
Heliocentric, the sun at the middle arose;
He sprang to his scope, to his Pope he was stressful,
And house arrest he was placed with the church he did wrestle.
But I wonder at last, ere the end is in sight,
The story can’t end here; we’ve got America, right?

Toooootally gets in the way

Student: "I wanna move on to creation and humanity. I hate this God part."

(while studying for Systematics final)

Overheard: Common Room

I'm putting that on my NT final

Harry Attridge: "Someone has already asked me about the status of the systematic theology search. Does anyone have any other questions for me?"
Student: "What do we know about the historical Jesus, and how do we know it?"
Harry Attridge: "He was a great guy."


Overheard: Former Profits reception

At least you got your global warming joke right

Sister: I was taking my Ecology test and it asked how old the Earth was.
Student: Did you put 6,000 years?
Sister: Damn, I put 4,000! I messed up my Bible joke!

They'll make you more, you know

Student 1: Ugh! God! They are out of coffee! All four, out of coffee!
Student 2: Good thing it's exam time, cause someone's getting a little bit testy...

Overheard in the refectory:

You need a drink

Student 1: Did you know Hillary Clinton has a job approval rating of 71%? That's crazy!
Student 2: Do you know what else is crazy? The low, low prices at Barbarino's Chevy!
Student 3: Bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-barino! .... oh my god, this week needs to be over.

It thinks you're funny too... may not help on the exam though

1st year MAR, considering praying over her study outline for OT: I've been finding prayer funny lately!

My hand barely survived

(On the patristics examination)
Student: Well, we survived. And I'm sure he will take that into account.


Overheard in the Commuter Lounge