Bueller? Bueller?

MAR: "If you see Denys Turner, tell him he's supposed to be in the JE Dining Room giving a lecture.  Thanks!"

You were always on my miiiiiiiind.... You were always on my mind

Denys Turner: "You don’t have to think about God all the time in heaven, because God is always with you.  In hell you have to think about God all the time, because there isn’t anything else, and thinking about God all the time with nothing else is hell.  It’s like a divinity school."

Overheard: Medieval Theology, discussing Dante's Inferno  and Paradiso.

...you might want to see a doctor. or an exorcist.

Denys Turner:  "Augustine called Carthage a hissing cauldron of lust.  You know, I've always wanted to live in a hissing cauldron of lust!  If you can get your lust to hiss..."

Seriously. I need more Denys Turner in my life. Come to the Catholic House?

Denys Turner: "Some want to say that the medieval mystics are ineffable, but Pseudo-Dionysius was effing about all over the place."

Overheard: Medieval Theology

Well... somebody's got to be honest

Denys Turner: "You want to kill a text dead? Do contemporary Biblical Studies!"

Overheard: Medieval Theology

but not phallic, thankfully

Denys Turner, while drawing a pictorial representation of Plato's Cave: “I did this once on a board in Bristol, and a bright student said, ‘God, isn’t that phallic.'"

"I know you think of me as God.”

Overheard: Medieval Theology

It might be time for a brain reboot, sir.

Denys Turner: Oh damn. I've forgotten my memory stick.

Who says I don't?

Denys Turner: "The Song of Songs is about GREAT sex. You just all wish you could have sex that good."

Overheard: History of Biblical Interpretation

Is Prozac like a can of Off?

Prof. Denys Turner: "Life is like a swarm of mosquitoes. You can only swat one at a time, and there's always ten more."

Overheard: Commuter Lounge

Fine! I will!

Denys Turner: Go. It's time for you to go.

Overheard: Commencement worship

Tell us how you really feel

Denys Turner: And Julian is a cow. Oh, that's unintentional. I'll be quoted now. Bernard of Clairveaux is a cow, too.

Overheard in Medieval Theology

They live on it when they're ice fishing!

Denys Turner: The Lutherans all congregate around Lake Wobegon, don't they?

Overheard: Commuter Lounge

Amazing.

Denys Turner: I've written an article... I've worked up to it but I don't have the climax. It's like sex without the orgasm.

Overheard: Commuter Lounge

MLK Jr Day Reading

British tabloids are the best. Apparently they've caught on to all the shady dealings at YDS, all orchestrated by Denys Turner and Opus Dei.

Seriously, I'm not making this one up.

Either Denys Turner lied or something's not working

Student 1: Ever since Denys Turner told me to pray for what I want, I've been praying for a boyfriend.
Staff member: How's that been working out for you?
Student 1: Not good!

Overheard: Common Room

No comment

Denys Turner: Hello, little one!
Child: The sun needs batteries!
Denys Turner: Yes, yes it does.

A Poetic Definition of Theology

Denys Turner: God utters. We stutters.

Overheard in: Medieval Theology

Well said.

Denys Turner: [long pause, staring out the window] Oh, lovely, lovely sins.

Overheard at: Medieval Theology

More from the Gospel of Denys Turner

Denys Turner: By the way, I didn't just say, "I love you." I quoted myself saying it. Of course there's not really that disengagement from practice, because I do….

Overheard: in Medieval Theology

Denys Turner: Kant, in the third Critique, wrote that music was lowest of all the arts because it is farthest away from the verbal. Damn him!

Overheard: in Medieval Theology

It's very serious, being Denys Turner

Denys Turner: A lost book is a grave sin... Calvin and total depravity come to mind.